My Tourniquet
by Narwhals.Meow
Summary: Oneshot song fic. Set in NM, Bella's cliff dive but slightly different. Depressing
1. Chapter 1

_Edward was gone. He had left me to endure the beatings of this world alone. I tried to persuade myself into not caring. Being independent like before we met but I couldn't. Every single little piece of my soul clung to him out of hate, love, happiness, sadness, acceptance and rejection. And I couldn't change things for the better. I kept my face silent and impassive, trying not to upset anyone else, but inside I was bleeding. Damaged goods. A hole ripped through me, the edges still tearing and stretching, threatening to swallow me whole._

_Because some say that the world will end in a big bang, a loud and impressive ending that will tell everything - anything - else what has just happened. Others say it will end with a whisper, a final, silent sigh of a gently fading earth. If you'd asked me a few weeks - months now - ago I would have agreed with those who said it would end in silence. I would have hoped so for fading out seemed much more peaceful than a massive uproar. But my mind had changed now. I agreed with neither. Because, to me, the world had already ended, already taken it's last breath and died._

_I couldn't listen to music anymore. It brought back to many memories. Made me think to much. But one song was stuck in my head right now. My Tourniquet by Evanescence. The lyrics made more sense to me now than ever before, were more comprehensible. The song was about pain and trying to rid yourself of it. I understood that perfectly now._

_The thing that I hated most was that things like terrorism, war, hate even, held no interest for me anymore. Selfish as it was I couldn't care less about them. I was too wrapped in my own personal grief. And I hated that. Hated the weakness I felt because of it._

I climbed out of my bed and checked the time. 3am. My insomnia was back obviously.

I got out of my bed and started to walk. Out of the house down the lane. The souls of my feet were ripped from stepping on the sharp stones and broken glass. I couldn't feel the pain. I was at the top of the LaPush cliff before I knew anything else. The wind up here was strong and it whipped my hair around my face, blew my white dress out behind me. I swayed unevenly for a second then stared down the cliff.

_I had never thought about how I wanted to die. Again, I went for the peaceful option rather than one with a big commotion. Dying in my sleep, bleeding to death ... drowning._

I looked at the waves at the bottom of the cliff, crashing into the bottom of it, creating a massive splash.

_It looked amazing. The few seconds of freefall, of ultimate freedom and then the water. To be dashed against the rocks like a little rag doll then carried out to become one with the sea. It sounded beautiful. Perfect, almost._

I took a step forward and fell. Just like I had anticipated the few seconds of freefall were amazing, the penultimate freedom. Then I hit the water. It was cold but numbing. The waves pushed me against the rocks and I felt myself drifting. I smiled to myself and told Edward I loved him. And the last thing I heard were the lyrics to My Tourniquet and an outraged roar.

_I tried to kill the painbut only brought more  
__I lay dying  
And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal  
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming  
Am I too lost to be saved  
am I too lost?_

my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation  
my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation

do you remember melost for so long  
will you be on the other side  
or will you forget me  
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming  
am I too lost to be savedam I too lost?

my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation  
my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation

I want to die!!!

my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation  
my God my tourniquet  
return to me salvation

my wounds cry for the grave  
my soul cries for deliverance  
will I be denied Christ  
tourniquet  
my suicide

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I don't own Twilight, Evanescence or My Tourniquet.

Totally random one-shot/monologue thing. No more chapters. No sequel. The things in _italics_ are her thoughts things in normal writing are what's happening and things in

_centre italics_

_Are lyrics._

_Okay so for any questions, yes she did die. Okay? I know that it was sad but that's the idea I had. Don't criticize! _

_Let me know what you think by R&Ring. Muahaha._

_Smiles! Xoxo!!!_


	2. Important

Just a warning to all my readers, but I'm thinking of taking my stories down. I've had offers previously for people to continue them, but it just doesn't feel right to me to give my work to others. I may repost them after editing them or I may not. Any extreme protests and I might set up a blog with them on. Sorry if you got excited and thought that it was finally an update.


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